All Mixed Up: Racism

I live in the South. The Bible Belt. Below the Mason-Dixon Line. Are people here more racist than people living up North? Maybe. An old friend from NYC thinks so, and she has her experience to support that hypothesis.  Kat was born here, in this supposed Mixing Bowl, and is of Colombian descent. Her husband, also born here, is of Puerto Rican descent. My husband, born here, is of Mexican descent. Me? I'm white - too mixed up to claim anything, German, American Indian, Bohemian, whatever, a mutt. Generations back, my family immigrated here. Their families, not so long ago. They can even count back to when their families arrived without doing any research, all three families less than four generations ago. They are here, they are citizens, so why are they sometimes treated differently than I am? 

I'm actually somewhat jealous that they have a unique culture and traditions to pass on to their children. What do I have? Do I hate being white? No, but I'm indifferent about it - compared to my friends, I don't have a history to teach my children, another language to teach them...I'm a little bit of everything, with nothing strong enough to create a racial identity.

I see a Rebel flag almost everyday. This flag offends my husband tremendously. He only sees it as a symbol for slavery. Me, I don't begrudge the Rednecks of their flag. Why? Because when that flag was made, it was to represent the South, not slavery. Was the South fighting so they could keep slavery, yes, but that's not what the flag stood for. So it's a symbol of the past. There are families here that lost ancestors in that war; let them wave their flag. Are some of them racist? Maybe, I don't know, I just don't choose to die on that hill, so to speak. I understand that people need an identity, and many Southerners have chosen this one.

Here are a few of Kat's personal experiences with the difference of racial tensions in the North and in the South. She was raised in New York City, more specifically, Queens, (her husband in The Bronx). In NYC there exists a thriving Hispanic population. There, she blended in - and gasp - was a member of the Majority! What I didn't realize until some late night talks was that there is a ranking of sorts in the Hispanic community. I can't 'rank' them for you, but when Kat (Colombian) married Raul (Puerto Rican), her grandparents were extremely upset that she was marrying 'down'.

Kat's life in the South is much different. She is no longer in the Majority. Two quick examples of discrimination to illustrate this both happened at our local Wal-Mart. To keep it short & simple, in the first instance a white lady told Kat's three year old child to stop honking a bicycle horn.  Kat politely (no, really!) told the lady that if she (the lady) has an issue with her (Kat's) child to tell her (Kat), not her (Kat's) child. (Awkward! {both the sentence structure and in real life})  The white lady then called my friend an f'n illegal and walked away. Sometimes its almost embarrassing to be white.

My friend was 100% correct in telling a stranger not to discipline her child.

My friend was 100% correct in standing up for herself.

In the other example Kat was in the check out line (I love the British phrase 'in a queue' - sorry, major digression) talking to her mom on her cell phone. In Spanish. Oh, the horror. Talking on cell phones in public is annoying to many people, regardless of the language spoken; something about only hearing one side of a conversation that you shouldn't be butting into anyways - metiche!

Anyways, an older lady, say 65 or so, was obviously getting upset. She kept glancing at Kat, dirty looks, huffing and puffing to blow her cell phone away. When that didn't work, the lady stormed off. When Kat finished her conversation, she approached the lady's husband and asked, "Did I offend your wife in some way?" Incredibly, his answer was, "You are supposed to speak english here, don't you know the Constitution? If you want to speak Spanish, go back to where you came from."

Disillusioned? Embarrassed?

• Why do some (white) people feel that they are entitled to talk to anyone (minorities)like that?
• I just grouped all white people together - and I absolutely hate when my Latin friends do that! Of course, I know that not all white people are that disrespectul, and that people of other races are quite 'outspoken' as well.
• My friend says I'll never understand. This is another pet peeve of mine - really? I'll never understand? So when I visit with my husband's family in San Diego and I'm surrounded sometimes literally by hundreds of Mexicans (and many, many 'others'), I don't feel similar emotions, discrimination, and the experience of being part of the Minority? Look at the picture below:

The picture was taken on Easter 2012.  I counted 41 people (small gathering for this family - really!).  I don't see a white person in the crowd. Granted I love these guys, they are my family. Their skin tones range from ghostly white (Justy) to really dark (like Justy's sister). When I am there, I feel love from the family,  and I'm also teased, in fun, for being white. [Think about all the white stereotypes: White people can't dance, white people don't bother to learn another language, etc...] 

In response to those stereotypes, someone inevitably says, "Do you want carne or pollo?" To which a bystander will say [everytime - and I mean EVERY] "She's white, she don't know what that means." And I say "Carne, por fa vor." No offense, but sometimes the chicken is dry, besides, when we grill a cut called skirt steak, it's the best I've ever had! I've been around a bit, a couple years of Spanish in high school, although nothing like the Spanish Lit Rudy took.  For those that don't know carne = steak, pollo = chicken. And, yes, I know the vulgar and moderately vulgar slang as well - come on over, you'll hear a cabrón & cabrónes every now and then.

I can mostly answer their questions, phrased in Spanish, for those that want to test me. I would say I'm at the Spanlish level, which is where most of his family is anyways. And really, those around my age pretty much only speak english, although some of them know Spanish. As for dancing, when they break out the salsa tunes a strong dance partner makes me look great. I'm easy to lead.

So where am I when it comes to racism? I hate it. Am I racist? Probably - I'd worry if a guy wearing a turban got on my plane. What about you?

~A mixed up white girl

A few names changed to protect the innocent - or the guilty, depending on your point of view

Journey

They were right. The family that I had left in Spring City said I'd never come back. I didn't believe them. How could I not come back? I love Spring City! I've been spending summers there ever since I could remember. I lived there for a few months. Even with Momow and Popow gone, I never thought I could stay away from Tennessee. I imagined sharing its beauty with my kids as they grow. Teaching them how to swim in the creek that runs down the mountain, hiking the trails, and walking to Ketch a Bite for an ice cream cone.

During the first few years after Momow died, I didn't make it a priority to get back to Spring City. Her passing was still too raw. I couldn't stand the thought of driving by her home, which wasn't hers anymore. How would it look? Unkempt? Would the flowers be cared for? Would the flag be flying? What about the ferns and the spider mums on the front porch?

My mom and my aunts visited the first year after. They told me that her house looked just as I'd feared. I knew I couldn't handle seeing that.

Now, over 15 years later, I'm ready. Ready to see the home that fills so many of my happy memories. Ready to see all the changes that have come to Spring City over the past 15 years. And, ready to visit the cemetery.

It was hard to get to a place mentally and emotionally where I could make this journey. I'm ready.